Question about bedwetting children

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Hi everyone,

I have a question about a friend of mine. She has two boys (ages 8 and 9) who suffer from bedwetting. She has tried various treatments without success and has decided to have them wear protection to bed. They wet very heavily at night and have leaked through the pull-on style garments she's tried. I suggested she try pin-on style cloth diapers covered with a pair of plastic pants, or "rubber pants" as they're called by many people(I'm a 47 year old male who wets the bed and I've found that pin-on style cloth diapers and plastic pants are marvelous for keeping the bed dry) and she decided to purchase some.

I was told by several customer service reps from companies that sell pin-on diapers for older children, teenagers, and adults that children in that age group may need assistance diapering themselves. Speaking personally,even as an adult I've found that it can be a little tricky pinning my diaper on and I realize that in some cases incontinent adults need help diapering themselves, so I suppose that the boys may need help too. The boys don't have cognitive or physical disabilities that would preclude them from diapering themselves, nevertheless I was told that their mother may need to help fasten their diapers. I understand that as children get older they become more skittish about their parents and older siblings being involved in these matters, but at the same time I feel it's important for the diapers to be secured correctly to get a good fit and prevent the diapers from leaking and soaking their beds. One customer service rep said that children their age may not have the dexterity to handle the safety pins correctly.

I also realize that there's a safety issue to consider - you don't want the boys accidentally sticking themselves with the safety pins. As mentioned she's tried other forms of protection and feels that pin-on diapers are the way to go. Have other people here on this forum dealt with a similar situation and if so how have you resolved it? Personally, I feel that even though they may be considered a little old for their mother to be involved in this task, if done in a loving and supportive manner it shouldn't be too much cause for concern. One way I thought might make it easier on everyone concerned is to have the boys fold and layer the diapers around themselves, then when they're ready for the safety pins to be put on have them call their mother in to do the pinning.

 

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Our society is rightly concerned about the potential for child abuse in such matters as this. However, the boys still need to learn to manage their incontinence.

One issue is that boys that age are not famous for cleanliness; however, cleanliness is absolutely essential to incontinence management. A flaming diaper rash is the last thing any parent wants for their older child. The boys need to be taught to become competent to diaper themselves, to lubricate the pins by sticking them into a bar of soap, to fold and pin their protection so that it does its job, and to check that no stray bits of fabric poke outside their waterproof pants, to wick moisture onto the sheets. I would argue against diapers using Velcro closures, because growing children will need to change their pinning pattern to accommodate their changing bodies, but Velcro does not permit such changes.

 

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Such bedwetting often comes in families, boys, girls, uncles, grandparent.

My experience is with female bedwetting which usually clears at puberty ( as often does the male)but sometimes continues in lesser form after puberty

It appears the cause may be looseness in the front ligaments.Often there are problems also during the day. These problems in females we seem to correct with a midurethral sling well, well after puberty if the problem persists.

One method which can strengthen the ligaments is to adopt a 'squatting culture'- squat instead of sitting, TV,playing whatever. Another exercise which may help is abdominal crunches. These strengthen the abdo muscles simultaneously with the pelvic muscles.
Meanwhile, tell the boys it will most likely clear up at puberty

 

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Another option if they are going to use cloth and pins, is the Snappi fasteners for baby cloth diapers. They are a 3 way attachment device, with teeth/cleats that hook into the cloth, and work very well, I used them when I used flat cloth diapers and pins several years ago. I find an all-in-one cloth diaper to be easier if you are trying cloth. Makes using cloth pre-folds much easier!

 

[Archives1]

Our society is rightly concerned about the potential for child abuse in such matters as this. However, the boys still need to learn to manage their incontinence.

One issue is that boys that age are not famous for cleanliness; however, cleanliness is absolutely essential to incontinence management. A flaming diaper rash is the last thing any parent wants for their older child. The boys need to be taught to become competent to diaper themselves, to lubricate the pins by sticking them into a bar of soap, to fold and pin their protection so that it does its job, and to check that no stray bits of fabric poke outside their waterproof pants, to wick moisture onto the sheets. I would argue against diapers using Velcro closures, because growing children will need to change their pinning pattern to accommodate their changing bodies, but Velcro does not permit such changes.

 

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Hi Patrick,

Thanks for the suggestions. I agree that the boys eventually need to be independent in this area. Until they do however do you think it's okay that the mother help out in some way? As mentioned I wear a pin-on style cloth diaper covered with plastic pants to manage my bedwetting and even as an adult I've found that it can be somewhat tricky handling the safety pins, that's why I thought that it might be difficult for children that age to diaper themselves. What do you think of my idea about having the boys fold and layer the diapers around themselves then call their mother in when they're ready to have the diapers pinned on?

 

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That is an excellent idea. However, it will only work if the boys keep themselves clean without supervision.

 

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Hi Skinnyb,

I appreciate the suggestions. I've heard that snappis don't do as good of a job as safety pins at holding cloth diapers. As far as getting the boys ready for bed do you have any additional suggestions for how the mother can be involved in a manner that respects the boys dignity? As I mentioned to Patrick, one way I thought might make it easier on everyone concerned is to have the boys fold and layer the diapers around themselves then have the mother come in to pin the diapers on when they're ready for that step. I know that in some cases even incontinent adults need assistance fastening their own diapers. I'm just looking for suggestions on things to say or do that might make it easier on the boys.

 

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As long as the parent is matter-of-fact and does what she/he needs to do without undue ceremony, teaching the boys what they need to learn need not be traumatic or threatening in any way. Good luck.

 

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I whole heartedly agree with the many suggestions of using pin on cloth diapers with plastic pants. Kids that age can do that themselves as long as their shown how. And yes make sure to teach them to tuck in the leg elastic so and waist elastic a to try and keeps everything on the bed dry.

 

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One thing that can be done is to have the boys wear undies then diaper over them. It will add extra absorbency and take away some embarrassment.
I am sure there are members here that have lived the embarrassment of being diapered at an older age,by a parent,not fun.

 

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I wore pin-on cloth diapers will pull-over plastic pants to bed every night until I was 12, almost 13. (I actually wear that to bed now after bedwetting has returned, and I agree with everything everyone said above regarding cloth and plastic pants being the best protection for bedwetting).

My parents helped me put on my diapers until about age 8 or 9, when I took over the job. I remember that it was hard at first, but my parents expressed confidence in my ability to learn this skill. Perhaps it sounds a bit odd, but to be honest I felt more grown up and mature, and more in control, by being able to pin on my own diapers.

There were learning opportunities along the way, like seeing what happens if I don't get them on quite right (leaks), or how to lubricate the pins (we actually ran the pins through our hair just before pinning as hair oil kinda helped lube the pins too), and checking to make sure all of the cloth was within the plastic pants. I remember even sticking myself with the pins once or twice, and while not fun it was an important part of the learning process.

I think that while it is appropriate for a parent to diaper their child at first, the underlying message could be that the child will be taking over responsibility for that job soon enough. The first several times the child does it, perhaps it will be under the supervision of mom or dad, but once parents are convinced that the child is relatively capable of doing it, the independence and accomplishment (not to mention the discretion) that comes with being able to take care of ones own diapering needs can be a big confidence boost.

 

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One of the things my mom did to help me take care of myself, was to line my underpants with a few folded diapers and then pin them to the underwear front and back. This created a fully padded absorbent pant that I could easily put on myself. Then just pull on plastic pants and pajamas. There would be a few pairs of pants in my draw,prepared this way, and it was simple to put on at night. As I got older this was a little more acceptable.I must admit they were not always as comfortable as being pinned on but I felt less babyish and in control. As best I can remember.

 

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I used to try and cheat my way out of my bedwetting diapers with the understanding that if I could go 3 consecutive nights dry I could stop wearing diapers. Of course being a nightly wetter I would take off the wet one in the morning and claim I woke up dry, and tried to hide the wet diaper. Of course this never worked and my punishment was I had to be diapered by my mom or even a babysitter for 2 weeks straight when I was 11 or 12 years old AND was not allowed to take off my diaper in the morning until my mom got up to check if it was wet or not. I was told I could unpin one side of my diaper to pee if I had to in the morning, but to pin it right back on until I was checked. Of course it was never necessary to unpin as the diaper was already wet so I'd just pee in it if I needed to. After 2 weeks I was allowed to diaper myself again at night but never allowed to take it off in the morning until checked. Walking around in my soaked waddling diaper in the morning was just great with my 3 (never bedwetting) brothers. The day I turned 14, just a few days before entering high school, I was then allowed out of diapers and to start flooding my bed every night. Felt great to be out of diapers but the alternative was really much worse.